What it means to be the head of the home

I was at a marriage ceremony the other day and at the reception,the chairman of the occasion said something that initiated a cascade of thoughts which I'd soon disclose. I really hope you learn a thing or two; this issue is really important to individual and collective happiness.

In his speech, the chairman said to the groom ''you are the head of the family, please act like one''. That got me thinking. 

The Man is the 'head' of the family. What does that mean? We could start by looking at the structures in the head.

First the eyes, they see the direction where the body is headed. They see danger ahead and move the body away from it. They are the agent through which we appreciate the world; beauty and color is seen through the eyes. The man as the head is the one to be a watchman, to always be on guard and shield his family from external forces wanting to destroy his home. When there is trouble and everyone else is down and depressed, he should be able to see hope in the horizon and steer them to its shore. He should be a visionary, the one that charts the course for the other members of the family to follow. He is a goal getter, not a never-do-well, or a no-future-ambition (NFA) kind of man. The other members look to him for direction and guidance.

Next the ears. Sights and sounds often go together, however, sounds sometimes can be more important than sight. The preservation instincts in animals are dependent more on sounds than any other sense. An antelope would not wait to see the tiger before fleeing, its system has been designed to rely on sounds. Furthermore, instructions are heard with the ears. The man must have a sharp and discerning mind and also be prudent. His priority is the protection of his family and he puts them before all else. He must be given to learning and seek knowledge, he must be enterprising and industrious.

Following closely is the sense of smell. Many a danger has been averted by a well developed sense of smell. Still on the senses, for doctors,they understand that the sense of smell can be a clue to making certain diagnosis: the fishy odor of certain infections, the mousy odor of uremia, the sweet acetone smell of diabetic keto acidosis.

The man that is to be the head must be very sensitive and able to decipher when things are going wrong in his house. When his wife is unhappy or the children are passing through certain challenges, he must be able to sense it and encourage them to open up to him, and help them through it all. He must also be approachable and open and not the cold, aloof, always hiding behind the newspaper type.

The brain is housed in the head and is the 'central processing unit' of the body. Nothing happens in the body without the control or knowledge of the brain. It controls the body, it protects the body, determines the course of the body, regulates body processes. In short there's no life without the brain and it's all housed in the head.

The man as head is supposed to be around, to be involved in the rearing of the child and must be aware of all the happenings in the home. He must be responsible for any and every decision that is made in the home. He is the champion, the protector, the provider, the guide, the confidant and the leader. That is who the real 'head' is.

Now that's a great responsibility, one not to be taken lightly. The thing with most men of nowadays is that they use the phrase 'men are the head of the family' without really fully grasping the weight or full import of those words. The men often use it to assert their authority over the ladies but the truth is most times they fail as 'heads'!

They often fail in their responsibilities and-get ready for this-that is why marriages fail most times. When the head fails in its responsibility to the body, then the body cannot be healthy. So also when the husband as the head fail in his responsibilities, the marriage fails. The head doesn't give up! It's the last structure (because it houses the brain) to give up at death; there is no death without brain death.

Men wake up! Do your duties and do it well. Save those marriages, the ladies are depending on you to do it. They need you to save those marriages,they depend on you. Stop shifting those blames, rise up, be the man you are called to be. Be the head and don't just bear the title.

WHAT DO MEN WANT?

A wife is more than a homemaker or a bedmate unlike the popular belief among ladies of nowadays. Most ladies think that what an average guy wants from them is somebody to cook his meals, do his laundry, clean his house and sleep with, so they offer these services hoping to convince their men that they are wife material. Thus they are bewildered when after all these they are still dumped. Then they become embittered.

Most feminist nowadays now tell their fellow womenfolk not to perform any ‘’wifely’’ duties for the guys that they are dating as that is the key reason why they remain unmarried. According to them, the guys see no reason to propose marriage to them because they are already enjoying all the benefits of marriage with them.

While these may be partially true, it is also misleading and reflects the ignorance of the womenfolk about what a guy really wants from them. A lady has been taught by her mother that to be a good wife, she must possess above average culinary skills to woo the man, ‘’ the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’’ they dish out the ancient words. She must also be good homemaker. So she takes pains to learn all these and then tells herself that she is ready to be ‘Mrs. Right’ for the ‘Prince Charming’. But they couldn’t be more wrong.

The truth is we do not need a girlfriend to cook for us. A simple friendship with a lady could get that done. Personally, I know many bachelors who get their food cooked by their friends, many of who are married and who take pity on them and wouldn’t want to see them starving. We also do not need a girlfriend to do our laundry, there are those that wash people’s clothes for money, and there are washing machines too. And if we need our houses cleaned, we know people who offer these services too. So why then would we put ourselves through the hassles of a relationship and all sorts of stringent conditions and the expenditures just to get these things done, when we could get same for fewer amounts and definitely less emotional turmoil?

As for the sex part, there are lots of professionals that offer great, no strings attached, mind blowing sex, and who can be at our beck and call and who will be too happy to oblige our most perverse fantasies, many of which we cant share with our girlfriends. So the question is, why do we still have girlfriends? What do we want in that woman that we would like to spend the rest of our lives with? Why do we go through so many circles of women looking for just that one person?

What we want is somebody to share our dreams with, someone that will believe in us and cheer us on. It sounds simple but then not every lady we see can do that no matter how good a homemaker she is. We will not be satisfied living with somebody that will take care of our bodies and sate our appetites but cannot share our soul, dreams, passion and goals. We would not settle for less.

Sadly, most ladies are content with being a homemaker or they are too busy running after their career to bother with giving us what we really need. They want to dazzle us with their culinary skills and ambitions. Even if the ladies keep their legs closed and refuse to perform any ‘’wifely’’ duties like the feminists are advocating, we would still dump you if we discover that you cannot give us what we really need; that cerebral coitus, that union of hearts and mind that really makes us one.

No matter what you do, the ring would still elude you, once we cannot connect to you or sense that you do not share our dreams. If the only thing you focus on are your dreams, your desires and your fantasies, and you make everything all about you and your wants, then you have no place with us. It is only a matter of time; we will tire of you, no matter the sex appeal and the homeliness.

Take a moment to ponder on the way the ladies think. When asked about their dream man, here’s what majority will say: A tall, dark, and handsome man, God-fearing, caring, sensitive, a good father and the likes. Which of these relates to connectedness between her and him?

Why does she want God-fearing? So that he wouldn’t cheat on her and not so that he could be ready for heaven. He must be caring and sensitive because then he would be attuned to their needs and emotions and would always go to extreme lengths to fulfill them. What about his needs? Oh you know them already- sex and food! What about his dreams and aspirations, his passions and goals? He carries them all alone.

So, no, we do not need you, if all you have to offer is just that. Let’s just shag and go, and everyone are happy (pardon the language). We will give you all that you need but won’t bond ourselves to you. No, that will be a great mistake.

Now you know what we want. You know why we dump you even after several professions of love and even years of dating. We kept hoping we would find what we needed in you but we didn’t and we couldn’t deceive ourselves any longer. Don’t take it personal; you just weren’t the one. It is actually rare finding a virtuous woman despite the fact that 51% of the world’s population consists of females.

One thing we would advice is that rather than carry about bitterness and go about sharing the ‘’men are pig’’ gospel, take a hard look at your self. No one drops a diamond no matter how rough it looks, and forget that crap about we being ignorant of your value, believe me we know a diamond when we see one. And it isn’t in how sexy you look; the diamond is in the heart.

You want to be appreciated? Appreciate in your value. Understand what we want- not sex or food or homeliness, not that those are bad but they are bonuses. What we want is a partner and soul mate; someone attuned to our needs, who see us for who we are, not the cars or fat wallet or sexiness.

We need someone who knows our dreams and sees our fears and insecurities because our dreams are so high that it scares us. Someone who calms our fears; motivates us to be better and who cheers us on.

We need someone we can be ourselves with, and who knows us as much and even better than we know ourselves, someone that can be our confidant, who we are not afraid to confess our mistakes and shortcomings to, and not have to keep up the ‘’macho’’ façade with, someone we can lean on when we are weak. Keeping up an act is so tiresome and we get tired easily and move on if we can’t be ourselves with you.

We need someone who understands our silence, looks into our eyes and sees our soul, who will hold our hands and whisper encouragement. We need someone we can make a life with, and look forward to going home to every day.
That’s whom we want and we won’t stop until we have found her.