Fondest memories

  I will always look back at that fateful day with fondness; if you catch me smiling to myself, it would be most likely that I'm walking down memory lane, re-living that day.

The day started like every other day, no indication whatsoever of what it held in store. The weather was not sunny like the fairy tale renditions of an earth shattering day; and definitely not as predicted in the weather forecast. A cloud hung low in the sky, and the air was chilly. It was mid-June, and you could see people walking about with umbrellas, prepared for another day of downpour.

‘'oh not again'' I groaned inwardly as I left the house that morning. It had been raining all week and I hated carrying umbrellas, well I never owned one; it was just too much of a burden for me to carry about. I never believed the weather forecasters- they were all guessing as far as I was concerned;  and they usually are more wrong than right most of the time- but I was silently hoping their prediction would be right; it was high time the sun shone in the skies again.

There was nothing at all unusual about the day that would have indicated that something special or someone special would enter my life.

It was around 2pm in the afternoon after a busy morning in the clinics, during my lunch break. I finally had a few minutes to myself to rest and have some moment of peace and quiet. I was emotionally and physically drained; the work can do that to you. You needed all your energies to keep calm and offer help and hope to people in different forms of pain and different states of agitation.     

That day, I decided to stay back in my office and grab a doughnut and a bottle of coke for lunch; I wasn't really hungry. Or perhaps I was too tired to go out. While eating I decided to go ‘face-booking'.

And that was when I met her. A friend request. I was reluctant at first, I hadn't seen her before but I saw we had a mutual friend- a close friend of mine. Soon curiosity overcame me and I accepted the request.

Now one year later, I still smile at the memory of that day, of that moment; that moment of contemplation and inner debate- you see I'm a very private person and I don't make friends easily, ‘'closed up'' you'd say. That singular moment, that singular decision changed my life.

Funny how your life can change at the  click of a button…..

Zaphnathpaaneah

011112

Touch me not!

  The touch-me- not plant, mimosa pudica, derives its name from a Latin word that means shy or shrinking.  It closes at any touch, whether man or insect. I remember the first time I discovered the plant- way before I learnt about it in biology class, I was fascinated by it. In biology, it is one of the self preservative instincts that characterize life.

I used to be a “touch me not” homo sapien. I avoided any human contact especially any that had the potential of developing into a deep and meaningful relationship, both with males and females. I couldn’t bear to be hurt or betrayed or feel disappointment. I relied on no one and trusted no one. I spent most of my growing years and early adult life alone; it was safer that way, I wouldn’t hurt anyone nor be hurt by any. It was a no risk life. I had this iron wall around me that kept people out, and I kept the gate close always and didn’t allow anyone in.

Things began to change when I met this particular lady, who refused to be shut out; she cared enough to repeatedly knock on the door and when it wasn’t opening, scaled the wall and gained access to my heart. At first it was scary, I didn’t know what to do but then it began to feel good; letting someone in was not such a bad thing after all. I experienced the joys of sharing, of confiding in someone and bonding. I realized for the first time, how lonely I was, and that rather than living, I was hiding.

Next came the thing that I feared most- heart break. It was painful, and traumatic and almost unbearable. How did ‘honey’ turn to ‘wormwood’? I was reminded why I had shielded my heart from people all along. But as the hurt lessened, I began to reminisce on the happy memories and realized that those were the best days of my life. The pain I was experiencing was a confirmation of how much joy I had derived from sharing my heart with someone. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that hurt came by, it is an inevitable part of life, and that shouldn’t keep me from living.

So, I decided not to shirk or shrink or hide from human contact; I wasn’t going to be allow the fear of getting hurt deprive me of experiencing the joys of sharing and fellowship. I wasn’t going to close my heart or build a wall around me; I would be accessible and I would give people a chance to know me and be involved in my life, and I in theirs.

Now, I have great friends, who I will forever be grateful that I met. They have contributed immensely to my life; I am a much better person because of their influence. I can’t imagine not having them in my life. Yes, I have been hurt many a times, I have been disappointed (luckily, not been betrayed) and felt pain from the people that I allowed in but that’s what makes it more satisfactory; the pain makes the joys meaningful, and I learn from them. The truth was I wasn’t living when I hid away my heart, I merely existed. Now, I have a chance to impact and contribute to people’s lives and I can have mine influenced positively. It’s such a beautiful thing.

Hiding away isn’t always better than opening up. The hibiscus flower allows its nectar to be sucked by bees and in  the process, its pollen are harvested and propagated leading to cross pollination and the breeding of healthier offspring which resist extinction. It is bright and colorful, and lends a cheer to any environment it is found in.

Zaphnathpaaneah

011112